I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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