She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
