i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
