I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
