I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
