Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
