I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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