As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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