Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
