you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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