I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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