she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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