hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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