He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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