Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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