you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
