I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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