Don't make out with my wife yet
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
