Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
