Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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