that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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