I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
