well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
please come you make the beer taste better
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
