nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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