I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
