we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
