We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
