$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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