I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
