So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
