I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
