I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Your shirt... Was in my pants
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
