Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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