just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
