Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
