so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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