the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
