Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need water and some morals
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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