I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
