so explain again why im purple
no
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
