I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
