Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
