So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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