So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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