In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
