Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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