I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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