Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
