Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
