the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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