someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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