i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
